her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
