no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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