im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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