maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
