I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
