No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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