I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
