Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
