You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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