somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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