i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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