Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
