think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
