Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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