in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
