And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
