If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Less talking, more tequila
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
