i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
