are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My bed smells like the plague
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
