dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
