I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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