What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
