i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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