So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
