cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
