so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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