bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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