can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
