16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
