Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
