Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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