The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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