I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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