At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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