I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
