I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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