she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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