I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
