Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
