remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
