false alarm. still invincible.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
