i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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