Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
