Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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