Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
too bad you live with your parents still
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
