It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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