Umm I'm too high to move.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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