I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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