When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
