Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
