We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
