My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
