I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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