i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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