OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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