Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
