Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
