party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
